Missing You On My Birthday

When my elder sister celebrated her 7th birthday, she had a cake with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on it. I told my Mommy Carling “When it’s my turn to celebrate my 7th birthday, I want to have that kind of cake, too.” Then she nodded with approval. Then, August 22, 1989 came. This is my much awaited day, this is the day that I will be blowing the cake with the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on it, just like what my sister did on her birthday. I remembered, my brother who works as a Civil Engineer in one of the top engineering companies then handed the money to dad, for me, for my birthday. I told myself “OK, so that’s the money for my cake.” My dad asked me come with him. Then I agreed. While he is driving his owner type jeep, I asked where we are heading, but no response. Then finally, he parked the jeep. He parked it in front of a bicycle store. He picked a bike. He picked the blue one. Then he paid for it. I was wondering to whom he bought that bike for. Then we went home. He told me that the bike is for me. A present for my birthday. “For me? But I did not ask for a bike for my birthday. And why is it blue?! If this meant for me, this should be pink. I asked for a cake with Snow White and not a bike.” Then my dad told me in an angry tone (this was how he normally speak :-D), “what are you gonna do with the cake?! It won’t last. After you eat it, there will be nothing left for you. But this bike, you can use this for a couple of years or so. And, your sister can also borrow this.” He also told me to be thankful because not all the kids can afford to have their own bicycle. Plus, it is brand new. I was devastated. I was seven then but I knew my heart was broken. That was my first heartbreak. Then to lighten up my heavy heart, my Mommy Carling went up to me and said “don’t be sad, I’ll cook spaghetti for you and you can even call your friends to come over if you want.” And just like that, I forgot my desire of having a Snow White cake on my birthday. She cooked spaghetti on that day, and my every birthday thereafter until I was 16. What makes my birthday complete? -my mom’s spaghetti.

When my dad died in 1998, my mom flew in to the United States to fulfill her american dream and to be with my older sisters. This means no spaghetti on my birthdays to come. How is it gonna be complete? My heart was broken the second time around.

My mom had so much fun, as I can see based on her pictures posted on FB and so to speak. I am happy for her. But I have this thought inside of me that someday soon, I’ll have the chance to celebrate my birthday with her again and have the taste of her spaghetti – her spaghetti was my piece of heaven here on earth. This idea gives a smile in my heart.

Dec. 22 2014. My eldest sister broke the news that broke my heart for the last time. I was paralyzed. I can’t utter a single word. My world was falling down in front of me. I was shattered. I know my life will never be the same again. My Mommy Carling is gone – forever. I will never see her face nor hear her voice again. I may be celebrating my birthday today but today and everyday’s never gonna be complete.

The spaghetti was not what made my birthday complete, it was her all along